Chitra Aiyer

Read the news just a while ago that the Delhi High Court has legalised gay sex. And well, havent we come a long way? The gist - I am happy for the Indian gay community. And here’s a simple theory - more the restrictions, more weirder do things get. And really who are we to dictate who should sleep with whom? I dont know if anything is more offensive than a common set of moral standards, standards that seem to appeal to a bunch of conservative folks.

The logic in my head has always been this - I would like to live the way I want to, and so would the the next person. Would I ever want to live with a female partner - no way! And if I had to, just to conform, how suffocating would it have been? The same logic applies to everybody. As long as we arent killing, abusing, harming one another, lets live and let live. And if you are made a certain way, there really isnt a point trying to conform to the “accepted” ways. Who is to say what is “normal”? The need should be to stay true …. to one’s self. And the acceptance of gay rights to me is simply being good about basic human rights.

Here’s to peace. Here’s to love.

PS: Love my husband. He is cool about anything I write, and anything I may want to write.

 All your thoughts are welcome, as always.

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Filed under: living

Yesterday was father’s day and it was exactly 6 months ago to the day yesterday, that we lost my dad. Yes, 6 months have passed by …. in the blink of an eye. How has it been? That I can even bring myself to ask that question means it has gotten better. But since when? Just from a few days ago. The almost 6 months since his death have been very hard to say the least. Any thought of him would always only choke me up. Initially the memories of his suffering would be fresh and very hurting. Over a period of time, that changed to having memories of him from different years. And in the last couple of months, the memory practically zeroed in on memories from my childhood - when my dad was robust, energetic, and healthy.

In Nov and Dec 08, I must confess, the big wish was to see his suffering end. While it was terribly saddening when he passed away, I was also happy that he wasnt suffering anymore. What I then didnt realise was how the loss was so much bigger than I had ever imagined. So much more permanent than I had ever expected. It is not like he had gone away for a while. While it may seem obvious, this deduction of mine, it took me a while to really get it. Am I handling death for the first time? No. But at such close quarters, yes for the very first time.

When the memories of his suffering started going to the background and memories of his younger days started coming to the foreground, sometimes it was very hard to distinguish the timelines. I was so consumed by having lost him, and in my mind that translated to having lost his unconditional love. So there was this huge void inside of me whenever I thought of him.  And really talking about him wasnt something that I resorted to. What would I have put into words? And did I really want to put any of those 20+ year old memrories into words? That they were so vivid was so hard to comprehend, to begin with.

And then very suddenly something changed - a change that I didnt consciously make happen. But it was sudden for sure - when his loss didnt seem to create that void anymore. And that was very different and very new. In a way, quite strengthening too. And then it looked like the extreme suffering had come to an end. And that has stayed that way - no more of the extreme distress. That it was ok that he wasnt amidst us. But it took a certain journey to arrive here. Was the journey hard? Oh yeah, without a doubt. But could I have gotten here without that journey? Nope, dont think so at all.

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Filed under: dad

Read in the papers today about Shrishaila Kumbar, who is from a village near Hubli and who is all set to start his studies in Medicine. He is a Kannada medium student, who scored about 85 per cent in PUC. He secured a good enough rank in CET and has a reservation under 2A category. Poverty came in the way of him pursuing his dream of becoming a doctor. So, about 30 villagers came together and donated Rs 26,000 to the family to help him get admission to a medical college. He has also now taken a loan for his future studies.

While all this is good and I am glad for the kid, what I wonder is his ability to do something like professional medicine without a background in English. There must be more such students though who have been pursuing professional courses with no bacground whatsoever in the medium taught at professional colleges. Especially something as complicated as medicine, when taught in a language that one isnt familiar with and where one has to face exams in the new medium of language too, I wonder how possible the studies will be. By keeping the medium of free government education in the local language and expecting the students from govt. schools to compete with everybody else at a later stage somehow doesnt seem too fair. While I hope this kid can manage it all somehow, I would think there should be a collective consideration about teaching more of English to the rural kids. Yes, we are proud of our regional languages and local governments must encourage the use of our local languages, but at what cost? I do not know of any specific examples, where a student from a rural background with limited exposure to the English language has gotten into a professional college. Do you know of any such students? How do they manage?

Your thoughts are welcome, as always.

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Filed under: Education